New member

Rust and Ice has a new member. Since I am on a hiatus, Anand will be contributing to the blog. We may also have a few more like minded members contributing to this blog.

Unveiling the mirror

Bear with the incoherence and typos. Have written this spontaneously to stop myself for changing my mind.

I had this self satisfying feeling that I was the nicest person on this planet and expected the world to treat me accordingly. I always ,therefore, had greater, at many times, irrational expectations from people. Though hardly any of those expectations got fulfilled, the least I hoped was that in the long run people would understand me. I mean understanding someone, how difficult can it be? That never happened. I always made pretenses to people that they knew me. But the fact was even I did not know the real me.

So I lived my life having a grudge on the entire world. However, on the outside I always remained the nice guy who loves to help people. But recent events have brought me face to face with the reality that had always eluded me. That behind the act of this benevolent nice guy, there is a parasite that has manipulated himself and others around him so perfectly that even he could not know this was all a charade. It just takes some circumstances to know the real you. I finally know me and I am not so proud of me. Some sides of me scare me, some are bluntly despicable. I now know I never cared about anyone and unfortunately I do not possess the ability to care about someone else. And now that I know this I can't do anything about it. I have never seen a more demanding person than myself. And people have believed my deception and tried to meet my demands because they felt "obliged" to this "naive" person. And for the record all my motivations were purely self centred.

Sorry to have hurt you people. Its a pity that most of you dont know I have been playing around with you. I am trying to get out of this hateful mess that I created over these years. But I cant have this burden on my head for a lifetime. So I am making this confession. Perhaps this would initiate the process towards a better me.

I am taking a break from rust and ice indefinitely I would return when I feel I am uncluttered enough to contribute in any creative way. Adios till then!

Moving on